It’s a tradition to make resolutions at the start of every new year. We all set certain goals we would ideally like to achieve in the coming twelve months. I have been thinking about the 2009 Premier League Season, and here are a few resolutions I would like to see people make for 2009:
Arsene Wenger: Sacre Bleu! Or should I say, Sacre Blues! I resolve to beat Chelsea and get Arsenal into the top three of the league table behind Man U and Liverpool. I also want to get my squad to play with some chemistry, and I’m not talking about the kind with beakers and bunsen burners.
Steven Gerrard: My goal is to finally win a league title with Liverpool and take the Reds to the mountaintop. I also want to win the Player of the Year Award and finish the season with the most assists and goals. Oh yeah, and I want to finally visit Madame Tussauds and get my picture taken with Mr. T.
Cristiano Ronaldo: I want to continue to dazzle opponents with my fancy footwork. Then, I want to be on Dancing With The Stars so I can win the only hardware that has eluded me: the Mirror Ball Trophy. Oh, and I want to start being honest with myself and come out of the closet. I’m so gay!
John Terry: Well, for starters, me and my mates resolve to work on our penalty kicks. Wait a minute, I probably should have made that my 2008 resolution though. Also, I want to spend more time knitting. I need to finish Toni’s sweater by Christmas 2009 or she will leave me for sure.
Roman Abramovich: Comrades, in 2009, I vow to continue to be a prick and to demand perfection from my team. I also hope my constant interference continues to distract my team from winning games. Oh yeah, and I want to kill a man just to watch him die. That’s how we Ruskies roll!
So, those are the resolutions I wish these chaps would make. If you have any more to add, please stick them in the comments below.
